I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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