I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
