Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize