SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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