Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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