what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize