I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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