Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize