i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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