the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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