There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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