she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm like, not good at living.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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