Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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