I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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