Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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