she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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