guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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