Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize