Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize