They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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