I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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