these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize