I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I got chris browned last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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