If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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