legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
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When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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