ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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