How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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