I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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