you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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