she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a squirter
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize