Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Shame - the story of my life.
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