you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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