i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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