i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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