omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize