I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize