dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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