he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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