you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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