my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
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As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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