All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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