i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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