i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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