Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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