THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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