Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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