U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
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she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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