I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
All the doctor said was why
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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