I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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