Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize